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         Men and women sit around, talking quietly, drinking,
         gambling, and laughing loudly. Some of the people are rather
         large, hunched over scaled up tables around the edges of the
         pub. The half-giants appear about ten to fifteen feet tall,
         while the people in the middle are of average human height.

         A FEMALE TRAVELER in a cloak sits with a MALE TRAVELER at
         the bar. They order two drinks. The Male Traveler orders a
         large mild drink while the Female Traveler orders a small
         but heavy drink. They eye the half-giants on one side of the
         pub, their faces dimly lit by flickering oil lamps.

                             FEMALE TRAVELER
                        (quietly, to the male
                   Do you think any of these giants
                   will know where to find them?

         The Male Traveler takes a long sip from his drink and puts
         it down. He runs his finger along the rim of the glass while
         eying the half-giants on the other side of the pub. The
         table he's watching explodes into a loud roar of laughter.
         He frowns.

                             MALE TRAVELER
                        (quietly, to the female
                   Perhaps. If they're not too drunk
                   to recall, that is. I haven't seen
                   many that appear sober.

         The Female Traveler nods thoughtfully and takes a tiny sip
         from her shot. She makes a small movement with her head to
         motion to a rather quiet table of three half-giants, half
         hidden in the shadows.

                             FEMALE TRAVELER
                   How about them? They seem fine.

                             MALE TRAVELER
                   No offense to them, but they don't
                   look too chatty. I don't think we
                   should bother them.

                             FEMALE TRAVELER
                   Look, they're the best shot we've
                   got at getting a straight yes or
                   no. Everyone else is either tipped
                   off their rocker or too busy with
                   their gambling. It wouldn't hurt,
                   we've struck out everywhere else
                   we've asked.

                             MALE TRAVELER
                        (clicks his tongue)
                   I guess you're right. Let's be
                   careful though. This isn't the best
                   place to tick off one of the
                   Servitar. Tensions are still pretty
                   high in this region.

         The Female Traveler nods in agreement.


         After a few minutes to finish their drinks, they stand and
         head over to the quiet corner. They stop beside the large
         table, the tabletop a few inches above their heads. The
         half-giants do not spot them at first. One half-giant
         glances over and mutters something quickly to the man in
         front of him. The third looks at the Travelers and frowns.
         The Female Traveler looks up and stands her ground as all
         three half-giants glare at her.

                             FEMALE TRAVELER
                   Evening, gentlemen. Sorry if we're

         The GIANT WITH GLASSES grunts crossly, twirling his spoon
         between his fingers.

                             GIANT WITH GLASSES
                   What do you want, Egarvian? This is
                   the Servitar area of the tavern.

                             FEMALE TRAVELER
                   We just wanted to ask you if you
                   knew a particular Servitar.

                             GIANT WITH GLASSES
                   I know many of my kind. Why do you
                   want to know?

                             FEMALE TRAVELER
                   We need to talk to the 'Men of the
                   Mountain'. Do you know them?

         All three half-giants look at each other. Their eyes soften
         slightly, some of the suspicion leaving their faces. The
         CLOAK-WEARING GIANT looks at the Female Traveler.

                             CLOAK-WEARING GIANT
                   We know of them. One lives up in
                   the Slate Valley.

                             FEMALE TRAVELER
                   Only one?

                             GIANT WITH GLASSES
                   Yes, one. Why, did you expect some
                   community of them?

         The Female Traveler looks taken aback, and falls silent, her
         bangs falling over her already shadowed face. The Male
         Traveler stands in front of her, frowning at the three

                             MALE TRAVELER
                   Do you know where we can find a
                   guide to this Slate Valley? How
                   hard is it to get to? Can one walk

                             GIANT WITH GLASSES
                   Sure, you could get there, if you
                   grew a pair of wings. Servitar like
                   ourselves wouldn't have a problem
                   with it, but a couple Egarvians
                   like you?

                             MALE TRAVELER
                   We'll manage.

                             GIANT WITH GLASSES
                   If you say so. (a pause) Follow the
                   road to the next village to the
                   north, then head west. Do you have
                   a map?

         The Male Traveler nods quickly and reaches under his cloak,
         pulling out a map from his satchel. He reaches up, setting
         it on the table. The Giant With Glasses adjusts his glasses
         and peers closely at the map. Grabbing a knife, he puts a
         small slash in the map.

                             GIANT WITH GLASSES
                   Here. (hands it back) Good luck.
                   You'll need it.

         The Male Traveler mutters a quiet thanks, and looks at the
         Female Traveler. She glances at him through her bangs and
         turns quickly, rushing out of the tavern. The Male Traveler
         follows her, matching her rushed pace.


         The two Travelers crest the side of a large, heavily
         shrubbed peak. Even larger peaks surround them, a large
         waterfall running between two of the rocky cliffs. Strange
         stone faces dot some of the rocks. They appear to be

         A distant repetetive CLINK sound can be heard a little ways
         off. The Travelers, tired and roughed up, look at each other
         after taking a good look around.

                             FEMALE TRAVELER
                   You hear that, right? It's gotten

                             MALE TRAVELER
                   Yes, sounds like it's just around
                   this peak.

         After taking a breather, both Travelers climb the last few
         boulders to peer over the edge of the peak. They stare into
         a small, rocky valley in the middle of a copse of trees,
         otherwise hidden from view. A GIANT sits in the center of
         the clearing, chiseling at a small boulder with delicate
         movements. His back is to the two travelers above. A couple
         woodland creatures mull about the Giant, ocassionally
         sitting on his lap or perching on his head.

                             FEMALE TRAVELER
                        (under her breath)

                             MALE TRAVELER
                   Don't get too comfortable... he
                   might refuse to help us.


         The Two Travelers quietly approach the Giant, but stop at
         the treeline. He continues to carefully chisel at the rocky
         form of a woman. He doesn't notice the two humans watching

                             FEMALE TRAVELER
                        (a bit nervous)
                   He's a lot bigger than I thought
                   he'd be... You never see Servitar
                   this big in the villages. I hope
                   he'll listen to us.

                             MALE TRAVELER
                   Just remember, we need to wait
                   until he's finished to ask him.
                   They can get very angry if their
                   work is interrupted. And we don't
                   want him angry.

         After a long wait, the Giant gently dusts off some tiny
         rocks from his work. The Giant smiles and picks up the
         statue, enclosing it in his hands. He puts his hands up to
         his face, closing his eyes. He lowers his hands, opening
         them and placing the statue on the grassy floor. The statue
         moves, coming to life. It looks up at the Giant, smiles, and
         scurries away into the trees. The Travelers watch,
         awestruck. The Giant pauses and pets a nearby deer.

                   You can come out now. I know you're

         Both the Travelers flinch in surprise. Cautiously, they walk
         out from the trees and look up at the Giant. He looks at
         them with thoughtful, dark eyes.

                   Yes? What are a couple humans doing
                   in these mountains? Are you here to
                   kill me?

                             FEMALE TRAVELER
                   No, of course not! We just wanted
                   to ask you something...

                   Ask me what?

                             MALE TRAVELER
                   What can you tell us about Mistress

                        (a long, tense pause)
                   What can I tell you? (another
                   pause) She will stop at nothing to
                   destroy every human in the land.
So our assignment for school was to write a 5-page screenplay.
My goal specifically in this one is to world-build and leave you asking questions by the end, with just action and dialogue. o vo

ANYWAYS. Tell me what you guys think? Have at it! It's going to be torn apart next thursday, so whatever you guys say will be milder than people in my class xD;;
I want what I did wrong and what I did right.
Thanks in advance!
If you guys have any questions while you're reading, I'd be interested in hearing them. This is SUPPOSED to induce questions.
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I am going to say right now you have got me hooked and I have many questions and demand answers. X3 As a screenplay, I can't really say a lot of errors were made in here; then again, just sometimes in stage directions a character says something, even as a simple greeting or farewell, it usually should still be typed up as dialogue instead (at least, that's what I have been told). The characters don't really start off strong, but they do as it progresses, like any story should. You have a nice selection of characters, and for a screenplay, having a lot of extras really do help, especially for a scene like that at the beginning. The expressions on each character is quiet believable with how they interact with each other as well. Overall, you seem to have a great scene on your hands and if you had to expand upon it later, I'm positive you can do great.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

Let's start with what you did well. You created settings where the emotions and the actual elements were easy to detect. You also established a good overall world for your story to take place in, as the lore was subtly leaked to the reader and gave us enough information so we could make our own inferences, but not enough to spoil anything. I also liked the way you created the final, giant, as you established him as a more spiritual being than others, and hopefully he will have a major role throughout your work here.

I did not like how you created most of the characters, though. Your static characters were fine, and like I said, the final giant was well-established, but the two protagonists seem to be very flat, stereotypical fantasy heroes. Obviously, we haven't seen much of them yet, but there is nothing about their actions or choices thus far that make them stand out. And without an interesting hero, your audience can lose interest fast.

To finalise:
Vision received a 4.5 rating because I can tell this story has a good bit of potential.
Originality received a 3.5 because the protagonists seemed too stereotypical.
Technique receives a 4 rating because you did a good job with the creation of the world (especially with the limitations in place for you), but again, the character creation could have been better executed.
Finally, the impact received 4.5 because the established world seems to have so much potential, it leaves the reader desiring for more.

Overall, I think you did well, and your peers won't completely obliterate your work (and I really do mean that in a kind sense).
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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Eroticy Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Hey what happens! You can't leave me hanging like that! lol
Ashie-Art Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
I guess you'll have to wait and see if I continue this. ;D
Eroticy Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Well here is some inspiration!
wolf12832 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2013
In the beginning, when you are introducing the two travelers, I would've describe the color and condition of their outfits.
tp32 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
I think this is very well written and is a very good screen play. If this was a movie I woul totally go see it. I hope you write more !!
WOWandWAS Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thematically its very impressive.   I personally get bogged down with hyper detail, so the brisk pace of this, while still evoking a strong visual, is most impressive and a very good way to start.   What I think really is impressive is how you got across that these two cultures are distinct, further how greatly varied they are in of themselves.   The use of shorthand without needing to many proper nouns made the past history very accessible where otherwise might have slowed the pace considerably.
Phoenix-FireMage Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is pretty interesting!
I think it sounds like a good start to a movie, one that I would like to either read or watch.
jetknight Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm not very good at critiques, but I can tell you that you managed to hook me. I'll definitely be reading the rest of this.
Ashie-Art Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Yesss I win e ve
And I hope to keep writing more of this v uv
jetknight Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Please don't follow my example and start writing a story only to lose interest after every single one.
I should really stop doing that.
Ashie-Art Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Hard to do that for me.
I have full interest in 90% of my stuff from way back when
I just
never have time to revive them orz
jetknight Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Whereas I lose interest almost immediately...most likely because I usually end up going on some tangent that has nothing to do with the story.
Tuiteyfruity Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I agree with everything Rathskallion said. Camera Angles are super important! 
I don't know if you have been taught the short hand yet. But use CU for Close Up and OS for Off Screen, FO for Face Out and CT for CUT TO (which I think should replace  INT. TAVERN- THE TABLE OF THREE HALF-GIANTS. put instead CT Travelers at the table with the three half-giants)
i too have written screenplays. (I was assigned ten pages minimum. I wrote 50...) 

One think I want to add is that if you really envision the character making a specific movement, then you should describe it in detail, to make it clear to the director, who can always change it if they wish.

Also, do you have names for the main characters? because in a script you should put their names (not just FEMALE TRAVELER) even if you don't want to reveal their names to the audience yet. WE are not the audience if we are reading the script. The Directors and Actors are not the audience, they should know who is who from the start, especially for scheduling purposes. They need to know who needs to be on set. yes it takes away some of the questions and suspense, but the audience only gets the descriptions from viewing and the hearing, they don't read along! The names are invisible. 
Ashie-Art Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Ah, we were told to actually NOT put in camera direction! He said only put in dialogue, action, and the Slug/location lines with simple day/night.
He put a lot of limitations on it :'D
Basically my goal for this was to hook the audience, nothing more (aside from world building)
But yeah, I have NO idea if this is a starting scene, a middle scene, etc, so some stuff would be improved upon later. I may revise this once I know where the story is precisely.

Our teacher gave us an example where there's ONE character and they are known as 'student', so I just left mine vague too |D
Tuiteyfruity Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
well then. Our responses will just serve as you learning more about screenwriting before you teacher teaches it to you. you are ahead of the game sister! 

Vagueness is ok for short stories, but if you plan to make this longer, even for fun, keep the name thing in mind. 
Ashie-Art Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Absolutely vuv
I just haven't come up with names yet |D
Rathskallion Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I want you to know that as a class assignment, this is pretty good.  I have written plays and screenplays, so please take this as a constructive criticism.

In your action descriptions, you are over-doing it.  You need to keep these a little more general so that the director and actors can make these characters their own.  For example,  this: 

         The Male Traveler takes a long sip from his drink and puts
         it down. He runs his finger along the rim of the glass while
         eying the half-giants on the other side of the pub. The
         table he's watching explodes into a loud roar of laughter.
         He frowns.

can be made to read: 

         Male Traveler sips his drink and frowns at the table of half-giants as they roar              with laughter.

it accomplishes the same thing and gives the actor a chance to add his flourishes to the character.

Next, you need camera angles so that we get a feel for your vision.  Please remember that this is the thousand words that make the eventual picture.

Finally, give me the good details: tell me the traveler's names, give me a dramatis personae so I know what these travelers are like (i.e.,  Is the female young?  Is the male bearded? are giants just larger humans?), what is the statue that the Giant holds up?  Is it the deer that he pets later?  What are interior details of this pub?These are points of guidance for your director and technical department.  

BUT, honestly, these things are going to be taught to you later anyway.  

So, there you go.  Good outing on this one!
Ashie-Art Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
All valid points uvu
I hadn't gotten a real specific idea for the characters personalities or looks, so I didn't bother with them. Now that I'm turning this into something much bigger though, they will be fleshed out eventually.

Also, the teacher purposely told us to leave out camera directions this time around! That way we didn't have to worry about the terminology this round.
And for your other questions, the statue was simply a woman, perhaps nude or dressed, not sure. But just a woman. v uv
Rathskallion Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you.

I wasn't looking for definite specifics, what I was looking for was a framework (i.e., the Male Traveler is in his early 30s, the pub's interior is all dark wood, etc.).  I'm glad this is becoming a bigger piece.

Yeah, I figured that you would get the rest of it as the class went on.  The terminology is simple: you'll get it in no time.

Thank you for answering that! ;) Now include it in the text! :P  I hope you post the longer stuff as it is written!

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